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30

Happy Birthday to Me

OCTOBER 10, 2018 | When I was little, I once imagined what 30 years old would look like. 

  • I would have a college degree in English
  • I would have a teaching credential
  • A job teaching High School English
  • Written multiple works of fiction – novels and poetry
  • Be married
  • Have 3 children
  • Have bought a house
  • Have a garden in the backyard
  • Traveled to all 7 contintents
  • Enjoying life as I have created it

Well today I am 30. And of that list of 10 things I thought my life would look like, I’ve accomplished about 2 and three quarters. I have my Bachelors in English. I’m married. And I’ve been to 4 of 7 contintents.

I always thought that I would get my whole life together and then figure out how to enjoy it. I could breathe. I could laugh. I could smile. Bad days would be few and far between. 30 was the middle ground. 30 years seemed like enough to accomplish a lifetime of wonder. And then spend the next 30-60 years reaping the harvest of the wonderful life you sowed. HA!

Mind you, as I got closer and closer to 30, I understood many of things would not happen and that would be just fine. Life is still good. Still blessed. Still full of wonder. The one thing I struggled with the most is having children. I thought I would start having children by 25 and be done, or at least pregnant with my last, by 30. I’d have the energy to run around with them and be able to fully embrace my role as MOM. As the years went on, I just prayed that I would have two kids before I turned 30. Then just one kid before 30. Just pregnant at 30. 

And now I’m grasping at straws and unanswered exasperations and prayers.  BUT I am okay with it. Today and this whole week God has been showing me how much I have to learn. How my plans are not always the best plans. How my plans aren’t even realistic or logic based or backed by science plans. They are simply ideas I came up with as a kid that said 30 was my deadline for figuring things out. Because 30 felt like SO. FAR. AWAY. But today I think at 30, I am wiser than I used to be. More experienced than I was before. More understanding and more compassionate than I was even at 20. 

This past decade God has pushed me to be so much better than I had planned. One of the major things I’ve learned is that plans change. And God’s plan for my life and my family are better than I could have ever imagined. I cannot wait to see how He uses us and our future family someday. So, though 30 doesn’t look like I once thought it would, here is what 30 DOES look like today:

  • Married
  • BA in English
  • Traveled to 4 of 7 contintents
  • Working on my Masters in Library Science
  • A hard-working, supportive and encouraging husband
  • Friends who truly understand me and are there for me
  • Family who is supportive and understanding
  • A BLOG! 😉
  • Hope and Joy
  • An ever faithful God

And the major difference between these lists are that this list is less about what I have accomplished and more about what I have been blessed with. So my focus in this third decade of my life is to see the world for the blessings in it. To see the hope and the joy in each moment. To embrace the changes as they come and be content in the life I am living in this moment. There will be time for other joys later, but I don’t want to miss the ones I have right now.

So I am 30 and I’m ok.